39 Ways You Know You’re a Ministry Brat

Whether you’re a preacher’s kid or a layman’s kid, or have just been active in an independent, fundamental Baptist church for a long time, rejoice: You’re not alone.

You Know You’re a Ministry Brat When…

1. You learned how to calculate a tithe before you even knew what a percentage was.
2. You dress for winter soulwinning like it’s an Olympic sport.
3. You’ve had an “Anne of Green Gables” marathon within the last 5 years.
4. Ladies – you don’t wear high heels on Sunday mornings because you work in children’s ministries.  Duh.
5. You know more Bible references than phone numbers.
6. You never pass up a bulk candy special.
7. All the blonde jokes you know came from an evangelist’s opening remarks.
8. You can find Zephaniah faster than you can find your keys.
9. You’ve ever requested 20 penny rolls for a $10 bill, instead of the other way around.
10. You immediately recognize the phrase “pink and gray tract”.
11. You still feel bereft going on a road trip without Patch the Pirate tapes.
12. You know two or more verses of at least 200 hymns, by heart.
13. You are aware that there’s a big difference between “Lastly” and “In closing”.
14. You’ve ever “cleaned up” any leftover Lord’s Supper juice.
15. You’ve never seen the inside of a movie theater, but you have an extensive collection of black-and-white films on DVD.
16. You know which cleaning supplies are kept in which closet at the church.
17. You hate getting a new Bible because all your annotations are in the old one.
18. Men – you own more ties than shoes.
19. You love books and movies, but you hate bookstores and movie bins because you don’t want to pay for something and then find out it’s trash.
20. You’ve ever turned down a job because it required you to work on the Lord’s day.
21. You can define the terms “5 Steps of Christian Growth” and “Three to Thrive”.
22. You’ve been to more conferences than a corporate exec.
23. Ladies – you have skirts in your closet with their slits sewn or glued shut.
24. Fellowship = food.  Period.
25. You know more parking lot-friendly games than a 2nd grade teacher.
26. You feel like a heathen for missing church, even for legitimate illness.
27. You’ve added the word “soulwinning” to your MS Word dictionary to keep the software from redlining it.
28. The sentence “I’ll try to be there tomorrow” means “no”.
29. You can see total strangers at McDonalds and remember what street they live on and what kind of dog they have.
30. You own a pair of shoes reserved specifically for visitation.
31. You know precisely how many toilets are on the church property because you’ve cleaned them all.
32. You’ve ever raced your friends at folding and stacking chairs.
33. If fundraisers, food pantries, children’s ministries, and charity outreaches counted as hours of community service, you could afford to commit petty crime.
34. Men – you get nervous ushering at weddings because there’s no offering.
35. You found Egypt and Israel on a globe before you realized Wyoming and Nebraska even existed.
36. You’ve dropped a live mic.  On platform.
37. You know that soloists are selected more for willingness than talent.
38. You know what a flannelgraph is, and you know when the teacher is using Elijah instead of Lazarus.
39. You’re cool with all this, and you’re still in this life for the long haul. 😉

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